I’m not sure who I think is going to read this, or why that might matter to me. I’m mostly witting this because in the past I’ve been that person who just keeps everything their thinking inside until it explodes all over everything they’ve built.
little lot anti-social and that leaves me with precious few close friends. I have a best friend (who now lives in another state) and several ‘facebook friends’ from past jobs or other adventures. That leaves me with little to do with my thoughts other than bottle them up until they eat at me from the inside out…as you might imagine, that’s not gone too well for me up to now.
I’m 23 years old and my last serious relationship ended when I was about 19 years old – he proposed and i was so young that I never really even considered it (he thought I would see pretty pretty jewelry and lose my mind). We tried to go back, but that is not something you can pretend didn’t happen (trust me).
I’ve had little relationships since then – the longest being about 5 months, he cheated on me…and tried to make me think that was my fault. I hate cheaters – I feel like if you want to hook up with someone else, than at the very least you could shoot me a break up text (it’s a shitty thing to do, but it’s better than cheating). As if that wasn’t bad enough he lied when I found out, then when I didn’t buy it be spent all most a week calling, texting, and emailing me trying to convince me it was my fault that he cheated and ‘maybe he’d take me back’. The only thing I hate worse than cheaters is liars/manipulaters. I feel like if you cheat you should just own it…in a way lying about it is all most worse.
That was all most two years ago…and I guess that brings us to now.
I started a new job about a month ago and among the hundreds of brand new people I met…there was a boy. He works in a totally different department from me, and if we didn’t make an effort to ‘run into’ one another, we never would (I think that’s important because I once turned down a date invitation from a co-worker despite a fairly serious crush, because we worked closely together and I didn’t want anything to spill over into work).
So, one day I asked for his number – he told me later that no woman had ever asked for his number before and he thinks that was pretty ballsy, I’ve neglected to mentioned that it took me two days to work the courage. We texted a lot and I finally mentioned something about maybe grabbing lunch on a day we both had off. We went the next day.
So, I wasn’t sure when I went if it was a date, by the end I was sure it was (the kissing part tipped me off).
He’s really great: down for just about anything, ridiculously sweet, honest, he doesn’t play the normal relationship games (I decided a long time ago not to play games, it’s just not worth it) and I absolutely love that he has no idea how cute he is. He makes me feel pretty and special and safe and those aren’t things I’ve felt a lot of.
It’s hard because we work very different schedules and finding time to spend together is rather difficult. I like him a lot and I want to see where we could go, but it’s hard to explore that when working such radically different times.
For the time being, we’ve decided to be more casual in our relationship. We want to make sure that things won’t fizzle before we get too invested. In that same vein, we haven’t told anyone from work that we are…whatever we are. We make little excuses to wander through each others departments a few times a day, but no one has noticed that (as it is a job where walking around is part of the norm).
I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve has real feelings for someone (and a really long time since those feeling have been reciprocated) and though I don’t believe in fate and I know the universe owes us nothing, I do kind of feel like I’ve earned the right to be happy, and to have someone great to be happy with.
Right now, I feel like my biggest worry is that our crazy work schedules are going to ruin something potentially great before it even really gets off the ground…